Ambivalent.

Ambivalence

It washes over me

Violently

I read and watch

And gaze outside

Impaired

I break down

In little puzzle pieces

On the river

Im caught and cradled

Somewhere

I leave the outline of my body

In the bed I lay

The weight of your body

Is still imprinted in the bedsheets

I have dreams

When I wake up

Images flash by

I go to sleep to live again

Spaces

I inhabit overlap

People i kissed

Blurred into one

No gender

Or hair color, or smile, or smell

Can't distinguish

They're all one extending in me

I try to run and dance away

The fear of the unknown

Distorted

All around is playing tricks on me

Im a bundle of what is and what can not be

Sheltered by the promise of reality

Scared to wake up

Resurface and have to gasp for air.